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HALIFAX — Long before Brenda Tatlock-Burke was killed by her husband in October, there were signs of his controlling and coercive behaviour.
“As my mom’s kids, if we said something he disapproved of, we were literally not allowed to go and see her,” Tatlock-Burke’s daughter, Tara Graham, said of her stepfather, retired RCMP officer Mike Burke. “He did that with friendships and relatives of hers over the years. He was controlling the money, the finances.”
Graham, 41, does not think her mother was physically abused during her marriage, but Burke’s coercive behaviour escalated over time. And now she is urging people to recognize it as a warning sign. “These are serious control issues and abusive traits that can go unseen for so long,” she said in an interview Wednesday.
On Oct. 18, RCMP responded to a request for a well-being check at a home in Enfield, N.S., and found the bodies of Tatlock-Burke, 59, and Burke, 61. Police say Burke died as a result of self-inflicted wounds, and Graham said the medical examiner determined her mother died as a result of a gunshot wound.
Since Tatlock-Burke’s death, five other Nova Scotia women have been killed by men in cases considered intimate partner violence. Four of the men took their own lives and the fifth has been charged with second-degree murder.
As Nova Scotia reckons with what the government has declared an epidemic of intimate-partner violence, Graham and domestic violence experts say more support is needed that targets men. “We put all the onus on the victims. We put it on the victims to get the help, get out, get the counselling,” Graham said. “It’s never put on the perpetrator, on the man, to get counselling ahead of time.”
Robert Wright, a social worker, therapist and director emeritus of the non-profit Peoples’ Counselling Clinic in Halifax, said Nova Scotia is behind in its efforts to identify and address early signs that point to a risk of intimate-partner violence. Without addressing the root causes of male violence — which often include abuse aggressors suffered themselves as children or teenagers — the number of domestic violence deaths are unlikely to fall, he said.
Ideally, Wright said, work would be done to track and monitor early signs of violence among boys and men so they can be provided with mental health support before their behaviour worsens.
Nova Scotia offers primary prevention through education in schools and public promotional campaigns, he said. There is also what he describes as tertiary prevention — counselling and rehabilitation for those who have already committed violent acts.
“But what we don’t really have is a good secondary prevention, which detects and treats problems as they begin to develop,” he said. Wright said this could involve medical professionals or school social workers identifying and flagging early warning signs among young people so they get mental health care and access to support.
Emma Halpern, the director of the Elizabeth Fry Society of Mainland Nova Scotia, agrees that there is not nearly enough support in place to prevent intimate-partner violence.
“There have been very, very, very limited resources made available for prevention and for community-led solutions, and that is — in my view — why we are where we are,” Halpern said in an interview Wednesday.
She is urging the province to give community organizations funding to provide programs that cater to both survivors of domestic violence and potential perpetrators. There needs to be more community-based mental health support, she said, as well as money for organizations that help people escape domestic violence without involving police, which she said is often a deterrent to seeking out support.
Graham agrees that far more resources are needed to tackle intimate-partner violence, and in the meantime she is calling on people to speak up when they see worrying signs among their friends and family.
“We need to be having these conversations …. We need to learn to step in and say something, and not worry about how people feel and how maybe they’re not going to like it if you speak up,” she said. “I’d rather have said something, and maybe it lands with one person that helps them rethink their behaviour or rethink the situation they’re in.”
This report by The Canadian Press was first published Jan. 24, 2025.
Lyndsay Armstrong, The Canadian Press
